Seasons of Change

This week my first born will finish up his last days as a pre-schooler. There have been days in this journey where I wasn't sure I'd make it to the end of the day much less to a milestone such as this. But now that it's here all those long days seem to have gone in a flash.
My intense feelings about this season ending have caught me by surprise. And honestly, I didn't even know they were there until a friend with school aged children mentioned that she felt like she went through a time of mourning. Mourning? That sounds like a strong and somber word but I realized that it fit. Now, mixed in with those sad feelings are feelings of excitement and anticipation for this new chapter in life. But although this is an exciting change it is also the end of an era. The last days of having both my little chicks in "the nest". It is a time of reflecting and a time of wondering. Have I maximized these days? Have I prepared him for the realities of what he'll encounter out there in the big world of kindergarten ;)? I know it's not like he's leaving home for good, although that'll be here soon enough! But why doesn't anyone forewarn us that when these little marvelous creatures enter our world they will also nestle into our hearts in ways that bring joy beyond belief and have a way of breaking your heart to that same degree? As a mother there is forever the tension of holding them close enough for them to feel safe and cared for yet keeping our hands open enough for their little wings to spread at the appropriate times and grow into the person God intends them to be. I know intellectually that our journey as parents is to grow them into independent, functioning adults but no one ever told me of the wear and tear on a mother's heart in the process! From the moment they are born we really start letting them go in small ways and as time goes on that process of letting go comes with higher stakes. It has just caught me by surprise at how very deeply this little fellow has woven himself into my heart thus increasing the difficulty of letting him go even in the smallest of ways. It is the very natural order of things and I know I have a long way to go before he's out of the nest for good but I sure feel a lot like that mama bird who shoves her baby out of the nest for the first time so he can learn to fly. She knows there is a great chance she'll have to watch him flail and struggle as he learns but desperately hopes he'll learn to fly with ease and little struggle at all. Either way, the knowledge of the ensuing joy she'll know as she watches him spread those little wings and fly on his own keeps her focused. Ecclesiastes 3 says, "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven. There is a time to mourn and a time to dance.". So as one season in life comes to an end and makes way for a new one, I will remind myself that it's ok to mourn...there is a time for that. And that, soon enough, my heart will be dancing and celebrating the very thing my heart had to mourn.