Convicted

Maybe there was some question in my last post about being addicted but there's no doubt about it, I am convicted. Deeply convicted. For the past three summers I have gathered with several girls from church, whose paths I wouldn't otherwise cross, to study the Bible together. It's so interesting that I don't really know a ton about these women but I do know their hearts and that creates a unique bond and connection that is difficult to describe. Nonetheless, this summer we are studying Linda Dillow's book, Calm My Anxious Heart. When we decided on this book I thought it sounded good but really had no idea what it was all about. But let me just tell you, these past few weeks I've been blown away each time I've cracked open that book. God is convicting me. And hopefully changing me. Last week the chapter was Content to Be Me. The focus and scripture memory were based on several verses in Psalm 139. I've read, and even memorized, vs. 13-14 hundreds of times but this week it struck me like never before. "For you created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.". In the discussion questions she challenged us to read it every day out loud and pray it back to God. It's amazing to really meditate on those verses and think about what it means. He made every little part of me. Just how HE wants ME to be. Perfectly for the purpose he has for me. Something Linda Dillow wrote struck me hard. She said, "ALL of your abilities...and your DISabilities...were created to fit the unique plan God has for you.". For the most part, I like how God has created me and am ok with my personality, abilities and talents. BUT where I struggle is often feeling like I need to be MORE than that. I've shared a little about my perfectionistic tendencies and I think this is a place it rears it's ugly head. I typically feel ok with who I am and what I'm up to. But as I fight the messages the world sends us to have it all and BE it all, I am tempted to look around and see what others are doing and feel like I just don't quite measure up. Pondering the things in this chapter has freed me up so much. I don't need to be MORE, I need to be exactly who He has created me to be. And not only that but I want to be like David and even PRAISE Him for who He's made me to be...my abilities and my disabilities. I think of His other works (the mountains, the ocean, my children) and find it so easy to praise Him for those works but find it harder to praise Him for the work of creating me. As I read that passage and prayed for fresh insight, all I felt was sweet, tender conviction that I can breathe easy and rest in who He's made me to be. And a gentle reminder that He takes it very personally when I am down on myself for not being something He never intended me to be. Verse 16 has always brought great comfort to me and even now brings excitement to my heart. It says, "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." It is exciting to think that He has already written what He has for me today, tomorrow and the next. It almost feels like a gift waiting to be opened and enjoyed. I just need to make sure I'm opening the gift that has MY name on it.

Addicted?

So, I realized this week that I'm addicted. Addicted to my morning coffee. It hit me one afternoon when I had a SPLITTING headache for no apparent reason. It went something like this in my head..."I DIDN"T HAVE MY COFFEE THIS MORNING!! THAT's why I have an awful headache. Oh, great, that means I'm addicted again. But, oh well, who cares? There are worse things to be addicted to. And I thoroughly enjoy my creamy, sweet morning coffee.:)" I go through phases of drinking coffee every day, then laying off, then picking it back up. I've always been more of "social" coffee drinker but have enjoyed it more frequently the past few years, especially the last
1 1/2 after my sweet girl was born. I think there's something about the ritual of it, too. Nonetheless, it got me thinking about what else I'm "addicted" to these days. Here's my list:

1. My cup (or two)of French Roast with a generous amount of Hazelnut cream.

2. Karen Kingsbury's Redemption series. I know, I know, I'm way behind but I am not a fan of starting something that's such a commitment from the get go so I've waited on picking them up. BUT I'm hooked...catching every moment I can to curl up somewhere and find out what's going on with the Baxters. I'm only part way in to Remember (book 2)but am even wondering this minute when I'll be able to steal some time today.

3. Lundberg's Brown Rice cakes...toasted (said in the same tone as "buttered" or "layered" for those of you that that would mean anything to) and topped with one slice of provolone and two slices of turkey or with crunchy peanut butter and raisins. DElicious!

4. Words with Friends pass and play with Hubby on the iTouch. We've always been big fans of Scrabble...we have regular Scrabble, Deluxe Scrabble w/the swivel board!, travel Scrabble and now WWF. We've often taken our Travel Scrabble on dates if it's to a coffee shop or laid back sit and linger type place (yes, I do realize we sound like we're about 85 years old but hey we like it. :)). BUT now that it's on the iTouch we play a lot more and have loads of fun!

5. Last but certainly not least is my beloved Sonic Happy Hour!! I've loved it for years but have found myself drawn there probably 2-3X each week lately and find myself considering how to get there by 4pm the other days :). Little guy now calls the front passenger seat his "Sonic Seat"...that tells you how often we go there. An Ocean Water or a Lemon Berry Slush are my Happy Hour faves. And a large ice water w/lime is my anytime fave...the combination of that ice and styrofoam cup can't be beat! ;)

Ok, so maybe more little pleasures than addictions. Nonetheless, what about you, what little things do you look forward to in your day? Do tell! You wouldn't want to leave me alone in my addiction now would you?

A Confession

Ok, so here I am a grown woman whose favorite movie as of late is geared toward an 8 to 10 year old girl! Not sure what that says about me...pretty sure that I don't care. :) But on our vacation a couple of weeks ago we borrowed the American Girl movie, Kit Kittredge, from guest services. Over the course of our time there we watched it a couple times, acted it out more than that and discussed it during dinner on several occasions. So what do I love about it so much? I love that our whole family can watch and enjoy it together. I love the values of friendship, loyalty, contentment, determination and honesty that it portrays. I love how it highlights believing the best in others, enduring hardship with an attitude of hopefulness, not to mention the persistence, courage and bravery of the central character. I love that it is realistic and shows some real hardships and difficult things yet it shows different ways people can choose to deal with that. This little movie has prompted several great discussions with my son about character, integrity and attitude. So, as you can imagine I was more than happy to spend the $6 at TJMaxx to purchase the movie (I'd been too cheap...um, I mean thrifty...to buy it for more at other places but was delighted to stumble upon it when buying a Father's Day gift at the bargain store). Oh, it also has a great cast! Julia Ormond, Chris O'Donnell, Stanley Tucci and Joan Cusack, who never fails to entertain me. :) So, if you haven't seen it and need some entertainment that's out of the heat it's 100 minutes I don't think you'll regret. If you don't share my appreciation for it, at the very least you can grab a few winks. ;)

First Fruits...

...and Veggies from the food co-op, Urban Acres, we joined a couple weeks ago! We skipped what would've been our first pick up because we were leaving town a few days later so we picked up our first bin of produce today. I love knowing the food is grown locally and most likely tended to by hard working people. Not to mention, it just tastes better! Having grown up with a grandfather and great grandfather who were amazing gardeners makes me appreciate the hard work that goes into growing delicious and nutritious produce. Some of my favorite meals were created from only what came out of the garden. Large, vine ripe, juicy tomatoes sliced thick with a little salt sprinkled on them. Purple hull peas picked and canned right away. My grandmother cans peas like nobody's business and they are DElish...some of you have shared in her delectable talent with me over the years. :) Okra, squash and zucchini always served with a side of my grandmother's corn bread and some iced tea. You can't get a better meal than that!
Off to see what I can create with my bin of treasures...

Day 30

So, day thirty of my 30/30 Challenge came and went over the weekend. It was rather anti-climatic. But I did want to let you all know after my last post about wanting to quit, I ended up getting back on the horse. I think just voicing my waning desire gave me the much needed boost of motivation I was missing. I did skip another day or so here and there which would normally tempt me to see the whole thing as a failure. However, I'm learning that less than perfection does not equal failure. This challenge not only accomplished the purpose of getting me back into a more consistent exercise routine but helped me grapple with this whole perfectionistic mindset I tend to have about certain areas of my life. A mindset that very often leaves me FEELING like I'm coming up short and robs me of so much joy along the way. If I throw out or discount everything in my life that isn't done perfectly, well, that's about 99.9% of my life, folks! So, although it's been difficult for me to consider this a success because I didn't do it perfectly I will take the liberty to declare it a success nonetheless.
Baby steps, right? :)